In the PNW, the holiday season is marked by the start of darkness at 5pm, cold weather, and rain. This seasonal shift can be hard. We may have difficulty feeling festive or cheery. Instead, the season can often bring up feelings of grief, stress, or loneliness. If the holidays are hard for you, set yourself up for self care and compassion. Here are some ways to be kind to yourself in hard times:
Lean on others
In our culture of hyper-independence, it can be hard to share our struggles or ask for help. However, connecting with others often helps, even if you aren’t ready to open up. This can look like seeing loved ones, cuddling with a pet, or chatting with friends online. Sometimes we may need to vent, be distracted, or simply feel less alone. If you want to talk through your feelings, but don’t know who to go to, consider individual therapy. Listening is our job, and you deserve support.
Feel your feelings
Whether you talk your feelings through, take time to reflect on your own, or scream your feelings out at the ocean, give yourself permission to feel. Avoiding emotions can make them feel bigger. Instead of pushing your feelings away, try listening to what they may be telling you. You don't have to fix, change, or make sense of everything right away. Acknowledgement can be enough.
Practice self-compassion
Feeling your feelings can be intense, so try practicing self-compassion along the way. This can be challenging, especially if you have a loud inner critic. Try treating yourself as you would treat a friend, offering understanding and validation. If self-compassion feels difficult, start off small, like with a self-hug. Notice what feelings come up, and be curious.
Find comfort
What helps your body relax, even just by 1%? Think of the people, places, things, or animals that bring you comfort. For me, this includes cuddling with my dog, watching a comfort show, or savoring a warm cup of tea. Return to what feels familiar and safe, even if you only have five minutes.
Get outside
You don’t have to go far, and it doesn’t have to be a big time commitment, but go outside. Especially if there is a moment of sun in this dark season. Studies have shown that light exposure has a positive impact on mental health. A light therapy lamp also helps, but even a few minutes of slowing down in fresh air can make a difference. Once outside, take a moment to notice your experience. What sensations come up? What do you see, hear, or feel? Slowing down can help ground us in difficult times.
Move your body
When a lot is going on internally, movement can help work through that energy and reconnect you with your body. Movement doesn’t have to mean an intense workout. Consider trying gentle yoga, a walk around the block, or some small stretches. You don’t even have to get up! You can use a fidget toy, stretch your feet or hands, or roll your shoulders. Notice whether the movement helps you feel more grounded.
A final reminder
You don’t have to force yourself to feel happy or festive just because it’s that time of year. Whether you talk with a friend, or take a few minutes outside, you’re practicing self care. Don’t forget, you deserve that care no matter the season.
Resources:
Feel Your Feelings - The Mental Health Coalition
Self-Compassion Institute with Dr. Kristin Neff
The Science of Sunshine: How Light Exposure Enhances Mental Health - AIM Youth Mental Health
